So today has been nothing less of yet another day, well with the exception of being in such a crappy mood. In a matter of 7 hours I have managed to put myself in the middle of Blahsville, USA. Have I finally reached my destination or am I going no where fast?
I don't know why so much "stuff" affects me so. I don't know if I "care too much" or if I am "too nice". I have been pondering the thought, "what would happen if I just stopped caring?" I have been here plenty of times due to the different circumstances in my life. I have taken the mentality of "whatever, I don't really care cause as soon as start, something else gets ripped out". As you probably read in some old postings, I have some things in my head that make me either act or think irrationally. yes yes, the ever so evil insecurities. I guess the reason I revert to the "I don't really care anymore Jeff" is so I don't have to deal with the issues I have. In the same sense though, I alienate people when I get in this mindset. I tend to put up the wall of security and start getting pretty comfortable in my little "castle tower of complacency". I don't know. It feels like this smile is starting to wear out its luster. This laugh has started to become just a mere memory. I want to start being real with my feelings with others in all of its glory. Good, bad and ugly.
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1 comment:
"Castle of complacency" wow I try to build those too...unfortunately I am usually building another castle next to it that I am not complacent about and God always rips that one down first.
Heather
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