Fear and Love

Well, it’s me again. I just got back from service. It was definitely a humbling experience. The topic was fear and love. Keeping in the pursuit of being more “transparent”, I will share what has never been exposed.

God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. 1 John 4:18

So, what are my fears? Inadequacy, insignificance, and rejection.

Do I have self esteem issues? Probably. Do people really think I am insignificant and inadequate? Probably not. So why do I feel this way and how do I deal with conflicts? I guess I never felt like what I had was ever enough. I’m not talking about personal possessions or personal friends, but I never felt that who I was could never make a difference. When I was young, I was not a social butterfly, nor was I very outgoing. Yes I had friends, but I really kept to myself. It wasn’t until later in high school did I grow that proverbial “backbone”. Even though I “moved up” in the ranks of popularity, I was unhappy. I always tried to adapt myself to others and always became what others wanted me to be. I always felt that if I expressed who I was, I would be rejected, inadequate and lack significance. I always dealt with these fears with an “Iron Mask”. I put on this mask of having everything together, the mask of charm, the mask to cover anything and everything that was flawed. If for some reason, the mask became transparent, and my true feelings shined through, I would always fall into the vicious circle of using withdrawal, sarcasm and eventually numbing out to the matter at hand.

Now what? It’s not up to others to keep telling me that, “You are an amazing person” or “You are a blessing to me”. It’s up to me to get over this fear.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

I know that I was made in perfect love. I am loved with an everlasting love. I must cast out these fears. I must fix my eyes on my one and only passion. Through HIM I can do anything. I am perfect just as I am in HIS eyes.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23

I will defend my heart from lies and corruption.

I will guard my heart from deception and show it truth.

For I AM loved.

I AM being pursued.

I AM HIS dream come true.